Monday, October 12, 2009

Open Auditions for Supporting Cast

The following script desperately needs a rewrite, but it will give you a rough idea of the role:

Image from HERE

Scene 1:

Thanksgiving Evening- Silent house. lone person lifts glass of  water in salute to computer screen. Holds magnifying glass to cell phone, punches in "Happy Thanksgiving". Hits "Send".

Scene 2:

5:30pm Mon. (Night  after Thanksgiving)

lone person punches a long series of numbers into a telephone

LP: Hi

Sis: I got your Thanksgiving message yesterday, but it was after 9, so we didn't bother to call you back in case you were sleeping. We spent the day with Marjorie, because we didn't want her to be lonely. We went to church in the morning and then we took her out to lunch.and went to her place. We went to Swiss chalet and had a wonderful meal. Are you There? Aren't you going to say anything?

LP: (Remembering  my Thanksgiving  glass of water) Hurts to talk.

Sis: YELLING Well then you're pretty useless aren't you! You can barely see either. I don't know why you think you'll be able to sell any Avon if you can't even see what it says in the book! And you can't talk to people! You shouldn't even be driving!

LP:  Just small print is hard.Online is OK  I can drive. (Thinking- I'm not deaf. I just can't talk)

Sis: YELLING How do you think you're going to be able to do anything?! The only people I see doing Avon is people making deliveries, making deliveries, making deliveries and selling to people they know.You have to talk to do that!

LP: There's  online stores.

Sis: You're thinking of starting a Red Hat group too! How are you going to do that? You've got to go places and talk to people for that!

LP: I joined online. I go places. (The Rd Hat group I was going to join filled up in two weeks)

Sis: YELLING You're totally useless. Do you hear me?! Totally useless!

LP: Someone's at the door (Silently Fuming- Yeah I hear you,Real loud and real clear.Thanks for your supportive pep talk I really appreciate how you're there for me now.  Funny how you used to be so different when I made good money, and could take you out for dinner, and buy you stuff for scrapbooking. Butter couldn't melt in your mouth then! )

Sis: Well, talk to you later.

LP: Bye. (Silent Fuming: I can't believe I wasted my money calling to  wish you a happy anything!)

- - - -

My sister, like myself has bought tons of Avon for years. I found out about the fantastic savings you get when you sign up with Avon. When people found out that I was selling  Avon, they said,"Oh your sister's so lucky! She'll be able to get great discounts through you!"

Anybody want a great Avon discount?

Auditions for role of sister start  Tuesday!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Road Less Travelled

image

There's an almost paint-like quality to this photo taken by Pat Sedgwick. I'm not exactly sure why it holds such great  appeal to me today. It speaks to me of quiet Autumn walks with the damp earth filling my senses, topped with a sprinkling of crunchy oak leaves, accompanied by a frosty chill. For some reason, I had the misconception that Robert Frost was a Canadian poet (blame it on learning the history of Leslie Frost at the same time as studying Robert Frost's poetry in school) Much of Robert Frost's descriptive poetry of the New England States, does echo our Ontario climate. I wonder if somewhere along the Frost Family tree "Old Man Ontario" and "America's Poet" are related?

Robert Frost poem quote

  I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the road less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Lyrical Lyrica Lamentations

Tune -similar to Wynona's "Bad News Blues"

I tried to find a midi, but all I could find is this ring tone you can send to your phone

Silent SCREAMIN' Blues

I went to the doctor,....The doctor said,

You're gonna have nerve damage until the day you're dead,

The words swam round,...And round in my head,

How will I kiss my baby, when I tuck her into bed?

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - - -

Chorus

This can't be happenin' I want to shout!

I stay real silent, but my mind is  FREAKIN' OUT!

No more singin'?! Laughin' or smilin' too!

The pain's too much, so I'm silent about my blues!

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - -

When you see me, ........Signin' here,

Stumblin'. with my fingers  tryin'  to make myself clear,

I can hear you, when you turn your head,

Don't  shout at me  and that doesn't help the  deaf!

If I  smile,.. At what you say, 

Searing pain blinds  me the rest of my day!

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

_ _ _

Chorus

- - -

The Doc, he  hands me, .....a little slip,

Sayin' this might help your problems & I try to get a grip,

I stumble blindly out the door,

The next stop for me is the medicine store,

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

_ _ _

Chorus

- - -

They look at my papers......, then back at me,

"You're not covered for this 'scrip, you gotta  to pay the  fee"

My pockets are empty, Life's a beech,,

The wonder drug to  help me work is outta my reach

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - - -

Chorus (modified)

This can't be happenin' I want to shout!

I stay real silent, but my mind is  FREAKIN' OUT!

My work drug coverage would have covered this,

If I only had the cash, I'd get back to it.

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - -

Back at  the doctor's ....He says I got a plan,

I'll get samples for another drug,  Hold on if you can!

The days are long, nights longer still.

My sanity dangles on fragile  hopes for  a pill.

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - -

I get the call, . . .hope is comin' my way!

Take one pill at bedtime each and every day.

But there's one  thing,you gotta know,

The side effects of  Lyrica may cause your kidneys woe.

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - -

Chorus modified

Come each night ,.... when I take this pill,

I lay down upon my pillow and pray for a cure,

And in the mornin' when I stumble around,

The pain's a little number, but I'm like a drunken clown,

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

- - -

Seven to fourteen days , . . till I see,

If  Lyrica's side effects will go away for  me.

I drink water a pail at a time,

Hopin' to protect my kidneys.

While I do my time.

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

Yeah-

I got the SILENT SCREAMIN' can't speak a word at all blues!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Hearing Mute Seeks Teaching Position

I don't put my real name on the internet, so you probably don't realize that this is me. I was an award-winning member of a  lunchtime Toastmasters club  & a professional singer and storyteller  too.  I now have permanent nerve damage to the right side of my face so I'm brushing  up on my sign language.  I wonder if there's a Toastmasters group for mutes?  I can speak, but the pain is excruciating, so I've learned to limit my smiling, laughing, talking and even eating. It's been great for my diet!

  Apparently my teaching career is now a washout. The union says there aren't any jobs for non-speaking teachers. Here's my top 10 list of :

Reasons I Would be a Great Teacher for Your School.

(in addition to my 17 years seniority!)

1. Quieter Staff meetings. Wouldn't it be great to have a staff member who actually listens?

2. Increased School Profile. You could have one of the few choirs that signs & sings.

3. Quieter Classrooms. Everyone knows that a quiet teacher has quieter classrooms.

4. Detention Duty Supervisor - Would only crack a smile on pain of ..... well pain.

5. Novelty Conversation Starter for Principal Meetings.

6. Hard Worker : Less chatter = More work accomplished.

7. Increased Student Spelling & Reading Scores. My daughter's spelling has improved remarkably since having to read my signed words.

8. Decreased Payroll Expenditure: There ARE incentives for hiring differently-abled people.

9. Increased Student Values: Empathy, Appreciation, Self-Esteem

10. Great Role Model : Students see everyone can make Meaningful Valued Contributions in Life.